Loving a restless soul proves to be quite a challenge. My boyfriend is a restless soul, a born traveler, a lover of spontaneity and passion and excitement. I, in theory, am all of these things too, but not now. Not in this period of my life. It makes me nervous he's going to leave. He's going to get bored with me and take a flight to South America and "poof!" gone. Just like that. Its hard to keep a restless heart content.
This morning, I read my boyfriends journal. I know this is wrong- so wrong- but I did it. We're moving in together in just a couple of weeks so I feel the need to know his every doubt, every secret, every fear. Three months ago he wrote an entry about how I may not be enough for him. I don't make him feel passion and excitement. I'm not spontaneous enough. He has thoughts of "what could be" and "who could be". I'm not in any way upset with him about this. I knew what I was getting myself into choosing a man like him. I just wonder if I'll ever make him truly happy. Moving in together is a huge step for us and I am doubting how ready he is. I'm ready. I'm so ready. I love him and never want anyone else. I very much hope he wants the same one day.

So....here I am. Back to writing a blog. I'm hoping this one sticks. Lately I feel a strong need to write- a yearning for it.  It soothes my soul. It organized my thoughts. It stops me from over-thinking- something I am quite guilty of. Somehow though, every time I start these type of things, I stop. I give up. I find some excuse that I didn't have time to keep it up and I  just abandon the whole idea. This time, I am putting much faith in this.
I'm in a funk- which I guess at some point in our lives, we all are. Well, here I am stuck in my funk and I can't get out of it. Every now and again I see some light at the end of the tunnel, feel some pep in my step, feel some excitement in my heart. The feeling never lasts long. It goes just as quickly as it comes and then I am once again feeling grim and dreary, waiting for my life to start. Its funny how you can live every day feeling like your just waiting for life to start. Aren't I already living life? Why do I not feel like it has started? Why am I just waiting for something to happen to me?
To start, I do not like my job. Well, I like it at times, but it is not in any way fulfilling and in no way do I feel that I have found my "career". Also, I feel I lost all sense of who I am and what I like. I like to travel. I like photography. I like fashion. I like baking. I like writing. I like art. So why am I not investing my time in any of those things. I go to work every day wearing the same damn pair of jeans and the same rotation of 5 different sweaters. If its a good morning maybe I'll put on some jewelry. Mostly, its not a good morning.
I'm hoping this blog will help me. I need good mornings. I need to write. I need to talk about travel and fashion and post pictures and recipes and "do-it-yourself" art projects that make me happy.
Thank you for listening, my dear blog- much more to come. I won't give up on you so soon this time.